everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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