You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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