he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
