I hate your face
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
