Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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