ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
