Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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