This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
