i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
