Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
