You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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