Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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