Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
