you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
