i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
