doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
