If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
