What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
