Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize