Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
