I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
