It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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