what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
