so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
