i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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