this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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