last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
