life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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