and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
