mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My bed smells like the plague
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You left your phone here
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