Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
