Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
