I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Vodka?
Forever.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
