I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
