i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
