I bet he comes in French.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
