I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
