I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
