Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
