im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
