He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
