the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
