She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
