your thong is hanging out like whoa
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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