I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
