You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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