Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
