My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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