Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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