Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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