you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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