i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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