I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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