no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
