the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
