i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
