How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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