the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
