I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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