I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
