Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
