how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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