Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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