Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
