Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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