stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
