I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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