it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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