I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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