I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
