We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize