I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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