I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
