I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize