the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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