An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
