How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
