Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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