I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
