If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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