How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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