just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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