She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
