I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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